My Blog

my old vice

2009-07-25T02:58:24Z

we tend to stay on our comfort spot…

not minding days and enjoying sparks

little we know that we just cant stop…

and we’re stuck to one single dot

as time run by and sweat drops…

we become addicted to vice with price

it runs like hell within every vein…

that push us to cling on it stronger all throughout

our grip will definitely stay forever…

the prints of our fingers will be unfathomable

so though we open our hands and let go…

it’ll never take away the mark left untold

in times when we decide to just give up…

and forget when we were floating on clouds

look back on old marks and cracks…

then you’ll rekindle how it made you high once

saving grace…

2009-07-05T20:50:51Z

there were times when all things seemed right…

laughter… tears… sorrow and fun run on my palm

suddenly my realm turned upside down….

that I’m now controlled and my light is down

i tried to walk and make my stand…

but little by little I’m drifting apart…

everyday i’m striving to breathe and spark…

but reality speaks, I’m indeed dying inside….

I know for a fact that all things are crap…

that I’m inside a world of numerous traps

I’m holding on something that soothes my heart

though I’m dying inside, they still pump my blood…

my eyes are open that I’m already trapped

and never will i be out of this hideous cracks…

i just wish those hands will help me throughout

coz i’ll let death crawl if they leave me aside…

nha-ah!!!

2009-05-29T23:20:06Z

there are things in this world that’s really beyond any one’scontrol. We can’t just hold on something with our bare hands and have a mind set that it’ll stay there for eternity or at least for as long as we want it. Things change from its simplest form to the most complex structure that human sanity can define. Well, as they say, the only constant in this realm is CHANGE. If we’ll try to figure things out, this is very much suitable to humans as well. in some cases that we feel isolated and trap in a cage, we tend to alter or change our selves to either adopt and start to be positive or negate and slowly crawl out of space. Mostly burdened with pressure and fear and also unaware of consequences, we push our selves to the extremes that we often than not neglect other people’s sake. We then, unconsciously push them away as we forget the basic concept that we’re all connected by the tie of life. And by this, we unintentionally hurt other people and make them suffer for basically our own convenience. So…though this change is trully inevitable, we still have the power to control matters because of our heart, mind and soul. And through this we can work our way out or adopt to the effect of these changes without compromising bonds and leaving people behind.

Stop this SHIT!!!!

2009-05-20T14:55:56Z

its hard now a days to trust someone… you’ll never know what they really up to… sometimes I’m wondering what is it with me that want things to be just fine… there might be some changes in my life that triggered this alteration of perspective… at first, i thought that this will be beneficial for me… that things will turn out right… i had this thoughts that staying low and keeping everything on its right duration will help me stabilized my new realm… but definitely I’m deceived by my own thinking… my friends were right… not all things are set to be together… like oil and water…. nothing can mix them together…. well, this might be right ’ we’re all created uniquely but this also doesnt mean we dont have common grounds where we can meet…. im still hopeful though that everyone will have time to think and meet one another at asame ground… but unless the time of realization comes… we’ll stay simple and civil… people that acknowledge and mingle with other people but doesnt give much care to people who dont give a damn aside from their shitty selves!!!!!

the definition of me….

2009-03-03T20:24:49Z

defining things have always been easy by human nature… stating facts and blurting thoughts give us satisfaction that we’re the world’s precious think tanks…that we’re on top, but what does these lame proof of intellect provides us…. well, aside from craving to achieve greater perspective and fame… we’re all left still clueless and bombarded with unending questions that no one can answer…..

The truth of the matter is that, its very much easy for us to dissect and dwell on certain things… from its facade to its very core… than to do reality check…. did you ever try to asked, why the hell do we go blank and instantly filled with uncertainty every time we’re asked to define our selves…. is it because we don’t know who and what we are… or we’re held prisoners by fear… fear that suppresses our one true voice that’s been long time longing to be heard….

With such view, its very much obvious that we’re all inferiors… afraid to be upstaged by our own shadow…. terrified to face a mirror…. and petrified with the black spell of judgment…. so at the end of the day, everything is still left undone, hanging and unfigured. We’ll go home technically fulfilled but emotionally incomplete and incapacitated.

so its a fearless move to raise an inquiry about who or what we are coz the source and receiver of the answer is both us and our doubting selves…. but the boldest move of all time is the acceptance of reality…. coz only then that we’ll learn to counter fear and defeat bugging questions which hinder us to see the beauty of our selves….

with all these facts, everybody should stop defining and start learning and accepting things as they are…. Stop bothering your self by looking at the inner meaning or what we usually refer to as greater purpose of things/events/people…. coz the truth is, everything in this revolving giant ball had been figured out since time in memorial…. so enjoy… live free and love…the ability of a person to answer things doesn’t justify who and what she/he is…. coz its only thru her/his actions that you’ll be able to determine the the genuineness of a person… and that’s how i define the real me!!!!

— ice signing off… peace man…

wanna break free!!!!! fuck’em all!!!!!

2008-06-01T13:21:17Z

Time passes by and I’m starting to drown…. not contented in where I am now…. Can’t feel any air around…. so much fun and so many frowns…. just wants to get out….. But still trapped in a white shitty box!!!!

Things hold me back…. feels bad to lose touch…. they’ve been there all the time…. can’t just forget them like that…. they picked me up in my lowest….. And laughed out load in my highest…. Surely missing them will hunt me…. And night’s coldness will be felt inside out….

But I want to feel alive again…. life that was taken out of my sight…. corrupted by claws of monsters that roam in the night…. all wearing fucked up masks…..pretending seriously working …. While happily destroys my humane side…..

I wish I could turn back our old times… when I was just playing around…. giving happy thoughts… sharing smiles and singing out loud…. but now I just wanna get out… to at least save my dying heart…. I will definitely miss those happy days…. but at least I’ll once more be alive!!!!!

Goodbye my real friends… but we’ll still gonna be together someday….distance will change things…. time will change faces… but one thing is for sure…. where ever i am…. i’ll always be the same person who once made you smile….mhuwaks!!!!!

what am i thinking????!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????

2007-12-16T04:18:56Z

I’ve been living my life in an endless battle field…. not knowing how this will end….I know that my day just started….but I feel so weak that my bones will be crashed as I try to hide…. While dumped in the middle of nowhere I started to see light…. Though its not that bright I feel soothing inside…. So I tried to step up and walk to the flickering ray of hope….but all of a sudden …. A warrior hand held me tight…. The next thing that I remembered is the deafening echo of silence…. That for a long time of endless suffering…. i gave out a smile….I did find peace…. I did find love but most of all… I did find a dwelling that cradled my dying heart…..I just wish this will be endless…. I’m hoping that it’s not a dream but other people are indeed evil in nature…. That as I close my eyes to rest and give in…. a poisonous dark claw slashed my chest and tossed me in a raging fire of suffering…. Can’t describe the degree of pain running in every inch of my being… can’t even utter a word of hatred and fear…. Don’t know what to do…. Don’t know when this will end…. All that runs in my head is death and shit!!! Without any second though I pulled my self out of heat…. Though I know I’m back in my own battle field….. Surely I’ll get hurt and may lose some fights….. but never will I trade a rewarding suffering to a deadly peace from a warrior’s fuckin’ heart!!!